Who Ever Wanted To Be A Thimble Anyhow?

Ahh the ever-present dilemma of any family getogether once that Monopoly board hits the freshly cleaned kitchen table is not making sure Laura is not allowed to play banker (she cheats) but which shiny silver token best represents your current mood, social standing and life goals. I always went for the old boot, so my pinky could pretend he was Lowly Worm from Richard Scary books. Worms are good at real estate.

But Monopoly sales must've finally dropped off this holiday season because Hasbro has decided to replace one of our beloved avatars and replace it, via public facebook vote. How else does anything ever get done these days? I say out with the iron. I always thought that was some misplaced Barbie accessory anyhow.

But who to crown as the new Monopoly icon, sentenced to forever wander a cardboard square and always ending up back at the "go"...

Cat
Some may think this is my first choice but they'd be surprised to hear that it is anything but. You'll notice that the cat wears a collar, which insinuates that the cat is at the very least an indoor/outdoor pet, and after our final not-so-pleasant expeirence with indoor kitties, I gotta stand against this little guy. Not to mention that there's already a dog in the mix and the last thing we need to add to this is the assured and immediate element of division that the classic "catpeople" vs "dogpeople" issue will bring to an already overly intense board game. And his tail is weirdly short.

Ring
So I feel like, after the whole Beyonce thing, and the diamond ring being the symbol of wedded bliss and wholly matrimony, that this will be popular with single hip-hop loving women, ages 21-33. That is a demographic I just made up. And while I think a good portion of women will turn out and vote for this, an opposing reciprocate of men will turn out to vote against this nugget. Just look at the proportionality of that diamond up there. The last thing I need from Monopoly is yet another reminder that I can't afford anything in this world.

Guitar
I don't think I'm alone when I say that I would find it completely insufferable to sit thru a game of pretend real estate while some tool plays air guitar on his mini Dean Martin acoustic. Cat in the Cradle, Freebird, Sweet Child O' Mine, the list of inane torture is literally limitless, which makes this an easy choice not to ever, ever consider making this the new piece, please for the love of gods everywhere. Plus, how does that thing stand up? Do I have to get a mini guitar stand too? C'mon!

Helicopter
I think this has a good chance. There's a certain romanticism involved with the concept of a helicopter that would endear itself to all types of characters. The hovering adds beauty, the spinning blades invoke danger, and there's no price you can put on the luxury of spur-of-the-moment air travel. Plus let's not forget that this is a game of monetary domination, and which of these is the sign of rich fools throwing their money around unnecessarily? Not the kitty that's for damn sure.

Robot
This here is where my loyalties lie. The vintage 1950's style robot looks so fresh in embossed silver and extra chunky cankles. I can, off the top of my head, think of so many awesome catchphrases to utilize as I circle the board and swallow up properties, not to mention the advantages of not having a soul or conscience would award someone attempting to ruthlessly wipe out their friends finances, especially after they just dined on such a delicious meal of steak fajitas that was prepared specifically for their presence. And do I even need to mention the mustache? 







There it is. Make your choice, or end up back with the thimble.