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Morning Likes

I've been really digging my morning bedhead lately...



That and these January sunrises from the office balcony.

The Beatles Never Broke Up

I don't really know how I come across these things in the course of a day but nonetheless, I do and I won't apologize for it.

Today I came across an odd little website that told a story of the Beatles, inter dimensional travel, and lost dogs. Some dude, who never tells us his real name but signs the post "James Richards" goes on about chasing his dog thru the Del Puerto Canyon when he trips and passes out in the desert sun. He wakes up in a strange room surrounded by strange machines with his dog by his side. A man named Jonas begins to explain that he's taken him thru a portal into an alternate dimension from his own where CDs "never caught on" and the Beatles not only never broke up, but were all still among the living. [aside: this reminds me of that short story by Stephen Baxter, The Twelfth Album, wherein two men travel to a parallel universe where Earth was destroyed by comets and they find a new Beatles album entitled God. They find it on the Titanic.]

Anyway, after going on far too long and unconvincingly about government commissioned dimensional travel and alternate Earths, he got to the part where he steals a Beatles cassette that never made it to our dimension entitled Everyday Chemistry. And while it's a nice thought and all this collection is little more than a mashup of random tunes penned by ex-Beatles post their 1970 breakup, à la Danger Mouse's ever elusive Grey Album. But after listening to it thru a couple times today I recognized that it's really not so lame after all. The first track has elements of John's Imagine and Paul's Band on the Run to some success. Who'd a thunk it, a Wings cover. It gets better from there tho. There's a great remix of McCartney's Somedays ("Anybody Else") and even Ringo's Hard Times ("Jenn") but not surprisingly the best tracks are made from amalgamations of Lennon & Harrison tunes like how Soft-Hearted Hana and Nobody Told Me becomes the invigorating "Days Like These" and "I'm Just Sitting Here" is like Watching The Wheels hooking up with Give Me Love.

The crazy thing about this tho, and the reason I decided to mention the whole thing to begin with is the thought that while yes, this is not a true story of the Beatles surviving in a parallel universe where maybe Yoko Ono never survived the bombing of 1945 (who knows), but that even this overly crafted hoax presents the notion of what might have been had the Fab Four not become the "unpleasant people" that led to their breakup and if their future endeavors in music recording had continued to be influenced by each other and their own distinct attributes, that it wouldn't sound something like what this "James Richards" character has created in his living room studio. It's a nice thought and you know, even with the inclusion of reworkings of Ringo's solo work, it's still beats the crap out of 99% of what you hear on the radio these days.

Here's track #1 called "Four Guys", the track that contains elements of Imagine & Band on the Run.

Baby Me Gets His Photo Taken & Snow

Everytime I go over to help my parents clear out the attic I find tons of old photos. Some are of us kids, them as parents, in Toms River or just genuinely looking young. I try to gather them all in one place, but one place has become many, and ever journey into the deep & dark reveals even more film & slides. Someday I will get them all together, scan them accordingly and be able to tell the tale of our family. Til then you get these three that I shaghaied last time...

baby me getting photo taken by Dad

Toms River snow

Burned Can Be Beautiful

Last Thursday I had a few hours to kill waiting for Laura to get off work. My sense of exploration and my lack of sense of direction somehow landed me in an abandoned snowy field, so I went with it.

I didn't hike far til I saw what looked like a house through the trees. When I got closer I found out that it was only the remains of one.

I wandered around once and snapped a few shots and noticed all the Christmas decorations fused to the siding and what was left of a tree in what I'm guessing was the living room.

I saw a couple of those helium balloons you can buy at the grocery in the kitchen window still fully inflated. They said Happy Birthday. Those things don't stay up for long so I figured this didn't happen all that long ago.

I saw paw prints of a dog in the backyard that led into the woods. I'm hoping they got out the kennel in time.

I think I hung out there for awhile. I lost track of time.

Good Mood Day

We wake up with animals all over us every morning. Sometimes earlier than morning. It's usually little Fawsja or Obladi, or sometimes it's Alps who is humongous. This morning it was Gabukobiwe. They were all in there somewhere tho. That's gonna have to change real soon.

I was gone all weekend. Short weekend tho. Saturday morning to Sunday evening with 6 hours of drive time in there.

The gang did well and I think I may have broken my previous record for amount staged in one weekend, but I can only take so much credit. Be back next weekend to finish it off and start to clean it up, because it is a mess. Oh is it a mess.

Got home last night to catch the last couple minutes of the Jets/Chargers game. I was listening on the radio but I must drive thru some kinda of Bermuda triangle area because every 10 minutes my radio became nothing but intense static and I had to search the airwaves for another station carrying the broadcast. Annoying only because every time I got back to the game I had missed an interception or the score had changed, but I expected to miss the game so... something's better than nothing. Hope I'll be so lucky next weekend. And I'm not gonna even talk about who I want to win for fear of jinxing it. If you know me, you know.

But it was all good because I came home to a rested wife, some Manwiches and some delicious blueberry themed dessert. Followed by my previously mentioned night of kitten cuddling, how could I not be in a good mood today.

Unnecessary Censorship

On the lighter side....

Ouch!

In A World That Doesn't...

We does.

Funny right? But seriously, this phone is crazy. I never had a phone that did much else beside ring someone, but this thing is like a computer in my pocket. And it's not that we needed or even wanted such a gadget, but they were free. What can I say, we duped the system. Ya see, I had a few hours to kill yesterday before picking Laura up from work, so amongst other little errands I stopped by the Verizon store to see what was what and when we were due for an upgrade. The women helping me seemed as surprised as I was when she said "1/15. Why that's tomorrow!". So now I'm stoked because I hate my phone (the bottom row of buttons barely works) and I know Laura hates hers (sometimes the screen goes buh-bye). So I started checking out all the phones we could trade in. The woman made me aware of the deals we can get for renewing our contract and other bargains we get for being such loyal and punctual clientele. We get the phones at the special bargain basement price plus another $100 off one of the phones. So I'm looking thru the inventory, doing the math in my head, and initially passed over the fancy touchscreen/3G/smartphone section, but then curiosity came over me and I glimpsed. Apparently the Droid Eris is on sale for $199, with a special promotion this week of $100 off. So $99 each. Add to that the fact that we get another $100 off one of the phones, and then the real kicker, since we're such wonderful bill payers, we get buy one get one free. So again, that's $199 per phone, minus the $100 of each in-store promotion, $100 off one for resigning and one phone for free just for being nice people; Verizon owes us $1.00. Even the guy helping us seemed caught off guard by the deal. Guess we're the first ones. Either way, we walked outta there not spending a penny with two brand new phones that a normal, less conscionable person would've spent over $1,000 on. And we have no idea how to use them, but so far they're fun and I can now call people with a 7,8 or 9 in their number.

Death Metal Rooster

Let me start this out by saying that I am in no way a fan or proponent of this thing called "death metal", but this made me laugh out loud so I thought I'd share.

Put A Camera On A Birdhouse

I was planning to write this post about the whole debacle over the late night shows at NBC, obviously taking stance against Jay "Big Jaw" Leno and in favor of Conan O'Brien, and tho I rarely watch even my preferred late night program with David Letterman, I can still be pissed at the entire situation. I was going to name the post "Giant Asses" and also speak of Richard Heene.

Simply put Jay Leno is a complete ass. He was never funny on The Tonight Show, making the classic program obsolete, at least to people who would appreciate the hallowed continuation of the franchise. His hacked version of "comedy" is so painfully trite that I've actually found myself campaigning against it and finding myself unable to establish relationships with anyone who would disagree with me.

If I were Conan, which I sometimes am, I would've been gone at the first mention of this. Conan moved his entire family and life to the west coast with the intention of hosting this show into old age, only to have it ripped away from him 7 months later. I don't know the exact details of his contract but I would've gotten my due and said "peace, bitches". Fox is waiting. HBO is waiting. The nerve of Leno, to just assume he could have his time slot back and where everyone falls else is their problem is astounding and I'd love to see Conan pop him one on his gigantic mandible.

He's released a statement:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

If anything this complete and utter failure of Leno's 10pm program should prove to NBC executives that the whole time Leno was on the Tonight Show it was the show's reputation alone that allowed it to be so successful and that since Conan has taken over the ratings have dropped due to all the other programs, like Letterman & Comedy Centrals 1-2 punch of Stewart & Colbert, that have given and will continue to give the Tonight Show a run for its money, regardless of the host.

But let's see what the real funny man of late night, a man not unfamiliar to the idiocy over at NBC has to say...

Pablovian Challenges & Cubism Loo

I've lost my closet space, again. When Laura and I first lived together she booted my ass outta the closet before I even knew she lived there. Then bought this house and one of the first things I did is tear apart the closet and go buy all new shelves and poles and even hangars so we could get the most out of the space as you may or may not remember from this here post entitled Furnishing Frenzy. Neither here nor there, it was all for naught, because late last night I got the boot again, to make way for her ever-growing wardrobe. Next Christmas I'm not getting her any clothes at all. Just space bags.

Luckily my parents had a lovely cedar armoire that was no longer in use and a set of drawers that my vagrant clothes could pile up in, so all was good. Yeah, I know I gotta paint that dresser. But I'll be damned if our bedroom is the hardest room to get furniture into. Getting this thing upstairs last night was like squeezing a handful of water. It wasn't even close to going up our bedroom stairs and our other staircase was the exact width of the thinnest measure of it. I had to remove the bathroom doorand once I was inside there the bathroom itself poses it's own little Pablovian challenges. Cubism Loo. That's a good name for a band from the early 90's, maybe from Omaha.

Don't hate on the sunnies.

We decided to reward ourselves with some summer icees and a little American Idol, which was underwhelming to say the least. Come on Boston, where's your spirit? Maybe Atlanta will be better. It's gotta be.

Whites Only

I've got a new little bad habit. When I can't sleep, I go in the bathroom and pull out my white beard hairs with my fingers. It's enjoyably painful. Then I take each one and hide it somewhere amidst my surroundings. That's the funny part. It's debauchery I tell ya.

Have One On Me

Up In Me Air

--- -- - I don't remember taking these

Dream Get Together

Hildegard von Bingen, Lhasa, and Patsy Cline come down from heaven. They choose a glorious chapel with sunlight streaming in and we sing for hours, a cappella style. Meanwhile Charlie Chaplin does stunts with the Catholic paraphenalia (wafers, candlesticks, crosses.) Rokia Traore comes in to sing and play guitar, Barrington Levy calls from outside--he's brought the Barrett brothers as rhythm section. Fela brings his sax. We dance.

There's Something Wrong With Esther

Everyone should go see this movie. Maybe it was because it was 8 o'clock on a Saturday morning and I was a little dreary, but this movie threw me for a loop. Lopez says I acted like black people in a movie theater.

The Owl & The Palm Frond

It's hard to distinguish between each visit down to what my friends call "South Beach". They can be very routine and therefore blur into one another. But I have a feeling that this one will stand out, for numerous reasons. Possible, potential numerous reasons that are yet to be divulged.

A lovely sight at Newark airport. You'd be crazy to give up this life of travel.

Anyhow, Lopez & Matt picked me up from the uncharacteristically frigid Miami airport at 1am, which was already a change from Daniel or Alex being 2 hours late in the blistering January heat, so that was nice. And spending some time catching up with two of my favorite people was also a pleasure, even if it was semi-comatose at 4am over black berry Red Stag.

This is a rare photo of Lopez's face. He thinks photos steal your soul and usually covers his face. I am serious.

I was there to teach tho, and early Saturday afternoon that's just what I did. Braddock's putting a show about the last hours of Jesus on the floor this year. Pretty heavy material, but I didn't let it weigh me down. I had my very first "WWJD" moment and all of the sudden I was halfway thru the rifle feature. Amen.

Daniel showed up late Saturday evening from his HS to approve my displays of mediocrity, and I got to make some jokes with my kindred spirit Keith, a pasttime I will miss once it's gone.

Once it's out of me, I'm pretty much done, so I spent the remainder of the rehearsals snapping some shots around the school including a session with a little silver owl who may or may not have threatened my life.

Mark, Daniel & I saw a film Sunday night; Up in The Air. While it was ultimately just a little disappointing in the end, I can't help but feel that the defeatist motif throughout put a slight damper on the rest of our evening. I tried to lighten the mood by posing with Alvin, Simon & Theodore, but to no avail.

When that didn't work I had to pull out the big guns and abduct a fallen palm frond from the parking lot and present it to Daniel as a gift. Getting it home in the already crowded 2-door was a challenge, but we proved were up to it after a red light transition from passenger window to sunroof without even unbuckling.

And I think it really ties together the room.

What's that? You wanna know if I had Chicken Kitchen?

It's the only reason I go.