Sin Spotting

I been watching/reading/ingesting an inordinate amount or "world news" the past couple days and, much to my chagrin, with the disturbing stories fresh on my mind and suffering from severe boredom today, was able to categorize these stories according to the vices they endorse; the sins they represent. All seven of em'.

Starting off slowly:

GREED
Following hot on the heels of the writers guild, broadway stagehands decided they would go on strike earlier today, thereby turning away ticket holders at the door & breaking the hearts of many a wide-eyed 8 year olds wishing to see The Grinch or possibly singalong with Mama Mia this weekend. C'mon people! It's Mama Mia! How can you deny people their Abba? I'm sure there's good reason for all this, I just disagree with picketing. I could just never figure out how to show it.

SLOTH
Something I don't know much about is the gaming world, but apparently the highly anticipated arrival of Manhunt 2, the sequel to the surpisingly named Manhunt, has done nothing but disappoint, receiving no more than 2.5 stars out of 5 in many of the popular gamer publications. It's not the controversial content that is upsetting, no you get to kill as many people as digitally possible, don't worry, but rather the lack of substance and development of the storyline. What? People if you want an intelligent & intriguing story, pick up a book or even see a good film. But if you want to stab and maim in the privacy of your own house, then don't complain if the storyline is geared more towards 10 year olds, because....they are.

GLUTTONY
I like this one. A telephone survey done by the state health department has reported that 30% of the state of Mississippi is "officially obese", followed closely by Alabama & West Virginia. That's just fantastic. In honor of this enormous feat Mississippians are gonna take their enormous feet down to Biloxi where there's gonna be a great celebration involving a massive group heart attack followed by free fried Twinkies.

ENVY
John McCain's mother joined Johnny for an interview on MSNBC the other night and revelaed that Mormons, such as Mitt Romny, were to blame for the Olympics scandal in Salt Lake City in 2002, and continued on attempting to convince the nation that her son is the right man for the Republican nomination. McCain replied with a stinging, "The views of my mothers are not necessarily the views of mine". John is jealous of his running mate Mitt Romny because his mother is dead.

PRIDE
Kanye West is the new Michael Jackson, according to...well....Kanye West. This is actually very refreshing considering Kanye has been more likely to commit acts, like crashing the podium at the Grammy's, that resemble the envy rather than the pride, but they're almost interchangeable so.... yeah, Kanye claims to be the new MJ. King Of Pop. I'm guessing the skin bleaching and friendly sleepovers with 12 year old boys will commence shortly.

WRATH
The Maricopa County Medical Examiner's Office said Carol Anne Gotbaum, 45, of New York, was "acutely intoxicated on alcohol and prescription drugs" when she died in a police holding room at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport on Sept. 28. Police had taken her into custody after running rampant thru the airport terminal and being denied the right to board her plane, drunk. After leaving her irate & screaming in the holding room, they returned a few minutes later to find her with her handcuffs wrapped tightly around her neck. She must've been seriously pissed.

LUST
Norman Mailer, creator of New Journalism, died this morning at the age of 84, succumbing to acute renal failure. Mailer was the author of over 30 novels, he helped found the Village Voice, was the director of numerous low budget films, became a regular guest on several television talk shows, and twice won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. He was known as the first person to be known as being "famous for being famous". He also had nine children. That's were the lust comes in.

I love the news, but I need a break.