iFeast
Let's face it. You and your pet don't share the same 'taste' in music. That's why TechnoPetz has created iFeast, the portable pet feeding/watering system for your MP3 player. Mealtime will never be the same for your pet with iFeast. Comes with 24 preprogrammed pet favorites like "Who Let The Dogs Out", Paul Anka's version "Puppy Love" (not that Donny Osmond rubbish), and the entire Cat Stevens catalog.Potty Putter
The bathroom is perhaps your last bastion of freedom right, and you don't let anyone invade it. So when/where would be a better time/place to get in 18 holes? It's a true innovation in getting the most out of each trip to the throne. Get one for the office and one for home. Use it when you don't even have to go. Work out the kinks in your game while you work out the kinks in your bowels. This gift is good for father, son-in-law or anyone known for spending inordinate amounts of time in the water closet.The Beer Belt
What do you get that special handyman in your life? He has every tool and gadget found throughout the annals of workmanship and you don't know a flathead from a Phillips-head. Well help is here folks! Because what else do you need when your up a 32 foot ladder using heavy gas powered machinery that could very well maim you horribly? What would make any job that even the slightest impaired misjudgement even more excruciating? That's right....Alcohol! And now beer belt comes in 5 designer colors; 
blue, black, pink for the ladies, leopard print for those men who wanna also be stylish and get the job done, and now camouflage so you can be drunk when you kill innocent woodland creatures. And if you're not a bottle man, if that's too fancy fer ya, beer belt comes in a 6 pack can holder with a special cigarette pack feature so you can store you Marlboro Reds and be on your way.LED Faucet Light
Tired of that same old monotonous water? Bored with water that doesn't look like futuristic alien mouthwash? Need to make your midnight bathroom appointments more exhilarating? Then you need to get the LED faucet light attachment from ThinkGeek. But wait, there's more! Not only does your water light up, but the color light changes with the water's temperature. When the water is cold, you see blue LED's until the water temperature hits 89 degrees after which the LEDs turn red! Because who has time anymore to monotonously run your hand under the stream of liquid to check the temperature? Not me! That's who.The "How To Tie A Tie" Tie
Is your guy famous for skipping weddings, funerals, and job interviews because he don't know how to tie a necktie? Well, you can relax thanks to the brilliant "How To Tie A Tie" Tie! This stylish tie has simple knot-tying instructions printed right on the front. Just follow the six step-by-step diagrams and you'll look as dashing as Leslie Nielsen in seconds. The "How To Tie A Tie" Tie is handcrafted from 100% silk twill and comes in a classy see-through box, making it a nifty gift for a needy fellow. Perfect if the person you're getting a gift for is an idiot and doesn't mind everyone knowing it.Kleen Stride
This here is a personal home debris removal system. Pretty fancy words for a sweep attached to a boot. With the Kleen Stride you can tackle a full 18 foot path and rid that puppy of leave, sticks, toys, bullet shells, what have you - at the same time that you work on sculpting your calves into ass kicking weapons. Also works great for people suffering from lower back pain. And introducing the new plow and rake attachments (sold separately) for shoveling that darn snow and raking those leaves without ever lifting a hand. Mask to wear to hide your humiliation not included.Absinthe Gumballs
Live out your greatest bohemian fantasies and give everyone at your Christmas grab bag some of these Absinthe Gumballs. Chew them as you read aloud the plays of Oscar Wilde, recite the poetry of Charles Baudelaire and admire the paintings of Vincent van Gogh. So this holiday season start your own temperance movement, because nothing says have a holly jolly Christmas like a potentially dangerous addictive psychoactive drug in gum form. I'm up for it.Metal Baby Carriage
Know anyone who's had a baby in the past year? In a day and age where adventure, safety, convenience and style can go hand-in-hand this metal baby carriage is just the gift to give. This puppy comes complete with front load bearing shock absorption springs for taking those big jumps, eight off-road style traction wheels for navigating that rough terrain, double barrel rapid fire mounted machine guns and rocket booster for quick and sudden getaways. Don't let your baby be the lamest kid on the block with some plastic wagon. Give them the metal baby carriage and don't you think of apologizing.Belly Button Jewelry
Do you love belly buttons? Ever feel like one belly button is not enough? Well lucky for you that Taiwanese designer Yuyen Chang has created this new line of belly button jewelry. Is it jewelry that goes in your belly button? No silly. It's jewelry that is belly buttons! I don't know whether to stare lovingly or turn away in horror. But here they are. Available as a dangling necklace charm (shown here), a stylish ring, or a handsome brooch. What better way to celebrate umbilical cords on this day of our Lord and saviors birth.2010 Dog Poop Calendar
A staple on most people's Christmas list is a calendar for the upcoming year. It's all part of a plan hatched up by Anne Geddes, The Far Side's Gary Larson and cute cats that has been ripping off Americans for over 100 years. But this year we have something totally different that is not a painfully adorable baby shot or regurgitated landscape photos that could've been taken by any 3rd grader with a Nikon. This calendar is pure art and great for anyone who loves poop, loves seeing poop or just loves laughing at poop and is sick of the same old crappy calendars. Having a dog is not a requirement to be able to enjoy the 2010 Dog Poop calendar.Burrito Glasses
Not be outdone by the brick glasses or the 2009 best seller sponge glasses, this here is the latest in eyewear fashion that all the kids will be sporting come January 2010 back to school time. Sure to inspire awesome new slang phrases like "fajita vision" and "enchilada eyes" or the edgier "Mexican Lasik", burrito glasses are that gift that every kid wants, needs and will never ever have a genuine use for. Like most of the crap you bought your kids this year.The Double Slanket
For crying out loud as if the original single slanket wasn't stupid enough now you and a friend (if you can find another person with the same idiotic approach to keeping warm as you) can lock yourselves into this two person sweat fleece and make all your friends uncomfortable and want to leave your parties early so they can get to a bar before they close, have a few beers and laugh you. This whole slanket/snuggie/backwards bathrobe trend can't be over soon enough and if I ever see someone with they're dog in one wearing a pair of bifocals and "reading" a book I will drop kick you and your pooch Jack Black style off a bridge. You know what this makes me think of?That's right. You're Horn & Hardart, the two-headed monster from Sesame Street and you suck at the double clarinet.
Hoped this helped. And if it did, I hope I never receive a gift from you on Christmas. Happy hunting!!!!
1 comment:
very funny - thanks, Travis.
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