April Fools Make Your Jewels

Sucks At Jokes

While The Diamond Is Still Relevant

...how about some baseball humor at my own expense?

i-

Half Of The Bangkok Pox

You miss the first half of the joke, but I assure you, you'd have been tickled

Are You Havin' A Laugh?

These are my work jokes.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. In fact, now that you've taken up my time, I'm going to be even later meeting my friend!"

The man below says, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Touché Nimrod

I made this.

Then I asked this girl at work, that I lovingly refer to as Nimrod, if she needed anything off the top shelf... because I had built a staircase. I thought it was hilarious.

Then she came back with, "No but can I borrow your phone to make a call? I don't get good service in here like you."

Touché Nimrod. Touché.