I Can't Wait To See Her Face On Christmas Morning

What to get the toddler in your life for Christmas... too old for trifling toys, too young for heavy electronics, hell her favorite toys this past year were a broken stick, a half-deflated rubber ball and an antique straw dispenser. No mom blogs got that on their list. So I scoured the online lists and here's what I've come up with...

A Stuffed Animal

Yuula has proven her love for all things stuffed and fuzzy so this year we'll put her to the test and get her the ugliest stuffed "animal" we could find. I think this guy is modeled off that new monster they found down in Marianas Trench, some prehistoric subspecies that was discovered by deep sea divers and was thought to have been long dead, or should be long dead or, something like that. I think a good name would be Pukebone.

A Dolly

Every little girl loves their dolly and every parent loves a kid that uses the toilet. I'm just combining those two things and hoping Yuula finds a muse in her new farting poop doll from Korea.

Puzzles

Oh kids love puzzles, plus she's at that age where ya gotta try and make her think on her own or she'll end up taking Geometry all thru high school and never get into law school and live in our basement, so we're getting her puzzles. Because we don't have a basement.

Music

 Kids love music. Lullabies, sing-a-longs, dance-a-rounds, all kinds of music. Music is also something I take very seriously in my life so I am not going to take this one litely. I am gonna start Yuula off right by giving her this new boxset that spans the catalog of Roxy Music, 70's glam art rockers and still highly influential outift that spawned solo careers for Bryan Ferry and Brian Eno. Plus, if there was never a Roxy Music there would have been no Depeche Mode, and Depeche Mode influenced Coldplay, and if Coldplay never wrote that song 'Warning Sign' that I put on a mixtape I made for Laura way back when that sent her an (at that time) unspoken message that probably directly led us into our current relationship which led to Yuula being born, well..., no Roxy Music, no Yuula.

Tools

All the lists have little toolsets and tool benches on their ranks so I guess that's something to look at. But why beat around the bush with plastic hammers you know ain't doing shit to build me a pergola next summer. I'm getting Yuula this bad mamajama and getting her started with heavy machinery. If I had started using these kinds of things before I turned 30 years old maybe I'd be able to operate gas-powered engines like a normal man.

Books

Here's another area where enough is enough. She's been reading about bunnies and counting babies long enough already. She needs to learn something and what better than this little classic easy reader. She needs to be equipped with some knowledge and understand why Mommy & Daddy get arrested every Columbus Day. Plus it would be nice for Yuula to add a little more to the dinner conversation which frankly has really sucked lately. Yes Yuula, I know Minnie Mouse is cute, yes and she has shoes on, isn't that hilarious. 

A Pet

 Laura's been hinting about this one a lot, saying Yuula needs a playmate during the day and that she thinks we're ready for the responsibility and all. So I think I found the perfect pet. They multiply freely so when they surely die of starvation or general neglect there's always a backup foraging somewhere around the house. I guess we should just keep them away from the cats, or maybe they can double as cat food. Multi-use Christmas gifts are always the best.

Blocks

Building and stacking is also another important developmental skill she should be developing right about now. But so is physical strength and hand calluses, so I'm opting to bypass the duplo/lego phase and head right into concrete. Besides, daddy needs someone to build a mausoleum for all these molerat carcasses.

Now I just need some wrapping paper...